Win or lose, I still have to play the game
There are days, like today, when the demons in my head are louder, so loud I can't think straight. So loud and demanding that my heart pounds in my chest, my hands shake, my stomach is in knots and I spend my entire day racing to the bathroom because panic attacks also apparently make you need to evacuate your bowels immediately. Those days, it's almost impossible to play the game. I fight the physical urge to simply walk out of the office or where ever I happen to be, get in my car and drive until I can't anymore. Those days, every mistake becomes an apocolypse, every negative remark feels like an attack. On those days, I want to run to the last safe thing I knew, the only safe place I have. But I can't. Because to the world I have it all together. I am calm, confident, assertive- a force to be reckoned with. I am in command. The first time I watched Frozen and saw Elsa, I though "this is me... not the awesome ice powers, but the anxiety and fear, th