Beyond the Mask You See

It has been a month since I left my last job. In a week and change, I will need to pay rent. I barely had any money to start this month off with, then a freaking hurricane disrupted my job prospects for a week and a half because Irma didn't like the landscaping. Every day, I look at my daughter and I feel like I'm dying inside. I'm supposed to be able to protect her, to provide for her, and so far I am doing a terrible job at it. Don't be so impulsive- that's always the admonission. Restrain yourself from being too smart, too independent, too dependent, push to get ahead but don't be too ambitious. Restrain your emotions, act instead of react. All a bunch of utter nonsense. So I slipped. I left without a back up plan, I left without any way to earn money. I had foolishly hoped that I could at least get something from freelancing, but so far my Norma customers are distracted and new fish aren't biting so no money from that direction. I was a bit arroga

Reality sucks. In my dream world, I would be able to become a business owner and make it big quickly. In my dream world, I left my last job on good terms, when I was ready and had saved enough to fund my business. In my dream world, the man I love would support my dreams and stand with me through thick and thin because he believes in my dream too. Of course, in my dream world, I would have no issues with money, job loss, depression, anxiety, and eating cake makes you lose weight. In reality, I was making slow progress focusing on my business only some of the time. I was comfortable at my job because it was easy and I didn't suspect things were going on behind my back that would ruin my plans. In less than a month, I went from being a great employee to public enemy number one and I don't really know why. I left on bad terms because I couldn't keep my temper in check and told the CEO of the company what I really thought of him. Loudly and to his face. It was a rather epic