Beyond the Mask You See

So I adopted a cat. I didn't want her to be lonely, so I adopted a second cat. One cat is like me. She is aloof, isn't overfond of people, and would rather murder you than concede to receive petting. She graces the house with her sleek feline presence and often sits in a position where she can glare at me disapprovingly. Her coat is unique like it couldn't decide whether she should be a tuxedo with a white chest and socks or she should be a calico cat, so instead, she wears a calico tuxedo with a white chest and socks. Rhiannon is special and she knows it. The other cat... well, let's just say that if you start to pet her, don't expect to stop any time soon. She stays perpetually at my side, cuddling and brushing my hand against her head so I keep petting her whether I like it or not. Rosemerita is a ball of fluff in a chocolate, orange, and black coat tortie pattern coat. She is probably the sweetest cat I've ever come across. In fact, my sweet Rosie wa...

Yesterday, I asked you for help. I finally told you about the war I fight with myself on a daily basis. Yesterday, you told me you couldn’t be with someone who was depressed. You couldn’t be with someone who was at zero when you were at 100. Yesterday, you made your case for why you would be leaving me. You mentioned I don’t clean often enough That you are disappointed that I can’t seem to commit to something as simple as taking a walk every day That I don’t talk much anymore. That although you love my cooking, I don’t do that enough either. You told me that even on a family vacation where I was actually having fun, there were many points where I looked absolutely miserable, even though I’d deflect when someone brought it up. You mentioned that I don’t really take care of myself or do anything that is just for me And that the efforts I’m making to become financially stable again are not enough. So you said you would be leaving.  I didn’t ...

I am not a survivor or victim, I am a warrior that has been fighting my entire life. I am not a princess to rescue. I am a queen and I have my shit handled. I am not required to do it all alone. I am surrounded by friends and family who will help. I am not perfect. I am resilient enough to learn from my mistakes. I am I am afraid and letting that fear hold me back from doing what I know I need to I am unsure I am unsteady I am just doing the best I can