Are you okay?
I hear this a lot lately. From friends and family members, people far away. Are you okay? Do you really want the answer? Could you do anything if I told the truth? Are you okay? I’m going to lie to you. I don’t want you to worry and I don’t want to add my stress to yours. I’m going to tell you “of course I’m okay” and force a smile and pretend for a little while that it’s the truth. Because in reality, I’m not okay. Not by a long shot. It’s like I’m dying from a thousand cuts. Finances are a mess. I’m so stressed I can’t eat. I work but I know it’s substandard, because I can’t focus. I can’t breathe properly, trying to breathe through a straw because my chest is so tight from panic. I want to run, but I can’t. I want to withdraw into myself and hide but I can’t. I’m losing at this game of life, drowning and I don’t know if I even want to surface again.