To sleep is to dream...

I had a dream last night. It was a dream about something that never actually existed anywhere by my mind. A time when I actually believed I meant something to you. I knew it was a dream right away because it featured things that never happened in our relationship.

The thing that made this dream so memorable is that the dream was a shadow, but I dreamed of how things really were. And I wasn’t actually a player in this dream. I was a viewer. I watched it unfold and saw undertones that were disturbing, to say the least. So I could see what I wanted with rose-colored glasses, but the reality was always there to remind me.

At first, we had that honeymoon perfect relationship... except I couldn’t tell anyone I was dating you. Ever. Did you know there are no pictures of you left? Or that your name never crosses my lips?

I saw you leave and come back, but instead of seeing you regretting leaving, I looked at the pattern. You would wait until I seemed more gullible. And things would be great then out of nowhere you’d freak and leave again.

This last time l, though, it was different. This time, I decided you’d never be allowed back.
This time, I cut ties. I built a stronger shield for myself.

But sometimes, dream about what I wish it had been and it hurts. Because that dream never saw reality.

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